


Meditations Upon the Nature of Beauty

by jotc



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1780591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jotc/pseuds/jotc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann asks Newton what it is that makes a person beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meditations Upon the Nature of Beauty

“What makes a person attractive?” Hermann asked Newton.

“Dude, I am like literally the worst possible person to answer that question. I find _everyone_ attractive.”

“That is hyperbole, surely. Nonetheless, I am interested in your answer. If you find a broader range of humanity attractive than the average person, then why is that?”

“I dunno. It’s just weird. People are weird. Like, some people say they have a type. You know, they go for blondes, or for tall-dark-and-handsome. Or some people like curvy, or they have a thing for legs. And I’m like, really? I mean, I get having a favorite color. But I don’t get why someone would be so hung up on a particular hair color that they wouldn’t want to date somebody who had a different one. And I wonder, what happens if a person dyes their hair? Does the relationship just go boom, done? And if not, why filter based on hair in the first place?”

As usual, Newton presented him with a deluge of information, but very little that was of use. “Can we bring it back round to yourself?” Hermann suggested. “Never mind other people. When you find someone attractive, what are you reacting to?”

Newton stripped off his gloves and replaced them with clean ones. Then he began placing the specimens in the refrigerator.

“Good question,” he said. “It’s hard to explain, though. It’s like… suppose you go to a dance. You love to dance, you love the music, it’s why you came. And lined up on the edges of the dance floor, there’s all these people. Some tall, some short, some fat, some thin, some dressed to the nines, some rocking the grunge look, some retro. Some of them have on makeup so thick it’s like a costume, and some of them go for the natural look. And they have all different skin colors. Pale as the moon, coffee-and-cream, obsidian black, burnt umber. That’s a Crayola color, you know? I always loved that name. Some are burnt umber. And some of them hold themselves like they’re king of the world, and some are a little bit shy. But they’re all standing on the edge of the dance floor waiting to dance. And they’re all beautiful. Even better, they’re all interesting.”

Newton looked at him expectantly, as if to ask if he understood. Hermann nodded.

Newton continued, “So you go up to one and you ask her for the next dance, but she says, _No, not you._ That’s what most of them say. But some say yes. And some storm off halfway through the dance, and you don’t know why. And some dance with you night after night, but not forever. Because eventually you see someone else and you want to dance with her too. Or him. And they don’t like that. Or else they see someone, and they never want to dance with two people at once. Even if they say they do, it always ends in tears.”

Newton sighed and looked at him. “Is any of this even making any sense?”

“Yes, I think so,” Hermann said thoughtfully. “I find it enlightening, in a way.” He hesitated, then forged ahead. It wasn’t as if he had anyone else to discuss this with.

“For me, it is as if I wish in theory to dance. I stand in a building with two dance floors. In one, the music is so loud and frantic, and the people press so closely that I can scarcely stand, nor can I hear what anyone wishes to say. I feel as if I can hardly breathe. If I try to dance, I shall be trampled. In the other, people hold each other closely. They sway together intimately. But everyone on the floor is so full of grace and beauty that I wonder if I’ll be permitted. Worse, I can’t quite hear the music. I tried once to fake it, but I trod on my partner’s foot and was caught out and ejected.”

“God,” Newton said. “I’m an idiot.”

“How so?”

“I thought this was a hypothetical conversation. Or maybe that you were working up to give me some romantic advice or whatever. But this is actually about you. Okay, I am pissed. I am genuinely pissed off.”

“Why?” Hermann asked. “Should I not say these things?”

“Dude, fuck them. You can say whatever you please. I’m pissed because you are asking me if you are attractive enough to be in a relationship, to which I say Fuck. That. Noise.”

“I don’t refer merely to physical beauty,” Hermann said. He was a bit taken aback by Newton’s vehemence.

“Okay, but that’s worse! Who the fuck gave you the idea that you aren’t worthy?”

Newton glared at him.

“No one,” Hermann said hastily. “Well, no one recently. It was rather the opposite, in a way.”

“Really?” Newton broke into a big grin. It always astonished Hermann how quickly Newton’s moods could shift. “Come on, Hermann, details! I want details!”

“Well… I myself lack details. Someone hinted that he found me attractive, and when I asked why, he told me that that was for me to figure out on my own.”

“Huh. Interesting. Maybe this person wanted to get you thinking about all your good qualities? You know, make you spend all day feeling sexy?”

“If that was the intention, it has unfortunately not been effective. Rather, I have spent the day considering how, despite my considerable genius in the area of mathematics, I have failed to grasp certain basics of biology that appear to come instinctively to the bulk of humanity.”

“Dude, no. The world is full of messed up people who fake it. Just look at divorce rates. No, I take it back, don’t think about that. It’s just depressing. But I have a question. Did this guy know you don’t think you’re attractive?”

“If he did not initially, my startled reaction and subsequent direct question certainly informed him of the fact.”

“I bet he was afraid of getting into a particular pattern where you dump on yourself and he argues. Like, I dated this one girl who thought she was too tall. I mean, she _was_ kinda tall for a girl, but I loved it. I tried to tell her it was cool. But the thing is, when someone has thoughts like that, the more you try to reassure them, the more it just turns into an fight, and somehow it ended up being my fault. Like if I tried to tell her it didn’t matter, I was being unsympathetic, but if I tried to sympathize, she thought I was agreeing there was something wrong with her. You know that old song, _"There’s a hole in the bucket, Elvira, Elvira?”_

“No.”

“How about that old kid’s story about trying to fetch water with a colander?”

“Not as such. But I think I do take your meaning. If a person is sufficiently convinced that they are inadequate, reassurances cannot fill the void.”

“Yeah. Though actually my example kind of sucks, because dating a short person actually does make you look more tall. And people praise how their dates look all the time, so it’s not like that’s bad or anything. I’m just speculating that maybe this person wanted you to show some confidence.”

“That is difficult,” Hermann admitted. “I have little confidence in this area. In spite of that, I have found this conversation quite inspirational.”

“Cool! How?”

“It occurs to me that I do not need to know the inner workings of another person's mind. Attraction, though mediated by both biology and environment, is nonetheless subjective, is it not?”

Newton nodded.

“In that case, I do not need to fully understand. I merely need to have confidence in the character of the person who shared their subjective assessment.”

“Yeah! I actually don’t know how you even got that from what I said, but I think I like it. I mean, I guess it only works if you know somebody well enough to have confidence in their character, but still. It’s cool. I’ll remember that one myself for when it’s appropriate. Are you gonna tell me who?”

A bit hesitantly, Hermann said, “Marshal Stacker Pentecost.” He was a bit afraid that Newton would either tease or offer premature congratulations, but Newton merely nodded and smiled.

“I wondered sometimes. Good luck.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you. Right now? Are you suggesting I should go talk to him right now?”

“Why wait? Carpe Diem, dude.”

“Yes. Well. Why indeed? I suppose I have no logical reason to delay.” Nor, to his surprise, did he have any desire to put off whatever followed. Though his stomach felt as if on a fast-descending elevator and his palms had begun to sweat, the effect was somehow pleasurable rather than distressing.

As he made his way to Marshal Pentecost’s quarters, he tucked away a thought to consider at leisure. He saw no logical reason why a person should not, as Newton put it, dance with more than one partner. Prior to tonight, Hermann had set aside the thought of dancing at all. A door once closed showed signs of opening, and the orchestra played more tunes than he knew possible.


End file.
